“The 4 Sexiest Words Ever Spoken”

“ The 4 Sexiest Words Ever Spoken”


“I mean come on, haven’t we all snuck back into our workplaces after hours before and filmed a hilarious parody of Jay-Z & Kanyes Watch The Throne with two of our talented co-workers” ??? Don’t you dare act like it’s just me. Well I did, and the shit was AMAZING. I’m not just saying that, see for yourself- The Lunchtime Show Presents WASH THE THRONE !!! Ok cool, now that we got that out of the way lets go back to the beginning. You like how I went Tarantino on you and flip-flopped it right. Yeah, I know you like it.


Ever since my junior year of high school, I knew I wanted to be a professional standup comedian. But coming from a city like Baltimore, the path into comedy wasn’t crystal clear. So I made the horrible mistake we all do, “I got something to fall back on”. That something was a college degree, followed by a job teaching in the Baltimore City Public School System. Yes it gave me a steady check & benefits, but what’s that when you’re not operating within your purpose. Two years into teaching I finally worked up enough testicular fortitude aka “BALLS” to dive into standup. Let the dual life begin.


For the next 8 years I juggled both, but I always knew which ball I planned to eventually drop. Although much of my best material early on came from the kids & the system, it was never where my head was. I was always a Comedian who happened to teach, not a teacher who happened to do comedy. Right now I know your thinking, “just tell me how you got fired”? To which I’ll reply, “nobody even got fired with your negative ass, that’s why nobody likes you now”.


I worked my butt off, intersected with some great opportunities and could be found onstage every night. In just a few short years I got on TV, performed in the biggest comedy festival in the world & started getting some traction. All the while I was working towards & hoping for that one thing to separate myself from the pack. My head was always spinning, thinking comedy, even when I was at the day-job. One day during my lunchtime, I was sitting with two of my co-workers/ homeboys / creative minds and we were laughing and just coming up with all of these ridiculous ideas. Something clicked right then & there. “Lets film all of this shit”!!! And the The Lunchtime Show was born.


Our biggest hit was a parody I wrote called “ WASH THE THRONE “ which captured two janitors Geigh’ (pronounced Jay) & Muah’ Weese (pronounced Muah’ Weese) as they channeled the spirits of the Jay-Z & Kanye West hit album “Watch The Throne” into their own field of work. Once it dropped, Marlon Wayans’ WhatTheFunny.com picked it up and it spread like butt cheeks. With it spreading like butt cheeks, it eventually fell into the hands of some middle school kids at our job, then the principal and finally Lord Voldemort aka Baltimore City Public Schools Headquarters.


A few days later we were all summoned to the principals office like juvenile delinquents & served official documentation placing us on “Administrative Leave-WITH PAY”. I made that bold purposely, because once I saw that I knew that Jesus loved me. That’s the greatest punishment EVER !!! That’s like sending a kid to his room, but leaving the Play Station and fruit roll-ups all over the damn place. It was the start of May, so we basically got paid to have an extra month and a half added to our upcoming summer vacation.


At the end of July we were sent letters from the Labor Relations Department aka We’re Gonna Try Our Best To Fire You Department. The subject line was “Pre-Termination Hearing” which doesn’t sound positive at all. Pre-termination ??? That’s like a doctor telling you that you have a “little bit of AIDS”. We went down there suited & booted like we were on trial for triple homicide and or tax invasion. We told our side of the situation and apologized for it being viewed by students. Although that was the Internets fault, why wasn’t the Internet sent a pre-termination letter is the question you should be asking yourself. They put us on a few days suspension as punishment at the start of the new school year, and then reinstated us.


Over the summer, I had already fully mentally checked out of the school system and the idea of ever going back. So when I did, my internal shot clock was already counting down. I had been booking my comedy calendar out as if I wasn’t going back and my head was all the way into standup. That mixed with ignorant kids, staff, parents, administrators and constant bullshit made the perfect ingredients for “The 4 Sexiest Words Ever Spoken”. Over the Christmas break of 2014, I took all of those ingredients, preheated my comedic oven to Good Ass Jokes and baked up a hot pie of “ I TENDER MY RESIGNATION” !!!




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