Jason Weems Exclusive Scandal

2010 has been a very bittersweet year for me. It’s been both exciting and extremely frustrating. So much has happened and is still happening, that I felt it necessary to discuss. If you’re just now tuning in to the life of Jason Weems, let’s recap.

I was a semi-finalist on NBC’s Last Comic Standing where I received a ton of national television exposure. I was invited to perform at the prestigious Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal, and to top it all off, I was a part of my first “scandal” (at least that’s what they called it). I’ve got to be on the right path if I’m encountering scandals, right?

A scandal you ask, how tantalizing- I’ll explain. Let me begin by saying, “You ever f*ck up so bad, you feel closer to Mel Gibson”. I mean so bad that your just waiting for TMZ to hop out of the bushes and God to bench you for the rest of the game. Long story short, back in June I thought someone had stolen a joke of mine that I had just performed on Last Comic Standing after receiving an email from another comedian.

It was a popular joke I had been telling since July 2009 about Magic Johnson at Michael Jackson’s Funeral Service. This deeply bothered me, so being the gangster I am, I rolled up on the suspected culprit- on facebook 🙂 “Don’t you judge me”. Look, I didn’t have her number (which I would have used if it was available to me) and besides no one speaks face to face anymore, “face-to-face” is Facebook- it’s just the world we live in. I was so angry at the thought of someone stealing my Intellectual Property. I should’ve slept on it, because I know in the morning it wouldn’t have mattered. I’ve had tons of jokes blatantly stolen from me over the years but you get to a point where you simply snap. I should’ve considered all of the angles–  maybe it was a similar premise, maybe it was parallel thinking, but anger was the front-runner in my mental race. Logic had not even made it off the starting blocks. Before I knew it my fingers were feverishly typing. I think we all know what it’s like to type mad. I was CAPITALIZING words that didn’t need to be, using multiple exclamation points, underlining and italicizing sh*t.

Here’s where things get juicy. A few days later I receive a very nasty message back from the young lady where she stated she didn’t steal my joke and proceeded to call me all types of “B*tches and MF’s”. Though no one ever wants to be called all types of “B*tches and MF’s” via a social networking site, I deserved that much.

For me that is where it ended, or should have ended. I thought I was dealing with another “COMEDIAN” who understood the passion that goes into developing material and to what extent we will go to protect that material. A few days after the response from her, I receive an email to come on a radio show to discuss my Last Comic Standing experience. It didn’t strike me as strange being that I had been doing a lot of press surrounding the show. Little to my knowledge, I was about to be ambushed ON AIR by her husband who was one of the hosts. “I know, classy right”? Though I was beyond pissed on the phone, I kept my composure.

I stated that I called in to discuss my comedy (not a private message I sent someone) and if there was nothing else they wanted to discuss than the conversation was over. He continued to harp on and I politely hung up. At that point I saw I was dealing with opportunistic people; an aspiring actress and Internet radio host couple that I had hand delivered fresh bait. “ Great job Jason, I couldn’t make sh*t up like this if I won a Pulitzer Prize”. The next morning I wake up to a BS one-sided story online written by a very poor reporter at The Examiner.com. “I use the word reporter very loosely” The way it was composed clearly indicated that he has no journalistic integrity. The headline read: Exclusive Scandal, and did I steal her joke.

Let me ask you all a question please. “When did the definition of scandal change”? A scandal used to be the president lying to the American public about a war or getting trim, a scandal used to be the covert slaying and cover-up of a foreign dignitary, not a private Facebook message about someone jacking a joke about Magic beating AIDS”.

I never thought I’d live to see myself arguing over the ownership of AIDS. What kind of world do we live in where people are arguing about who had AIDS first? I am in no way saying I had no wrong doing in this, because I did. I started the snowball down the hill. Did I come extremely strong, yes and I was wrong for that. But speaking as a comedian who busts his ass on stage every night to be original and progress the art form, these jokes are our children. We give birth to them, we raise them and then send them out into the world to do good. And if you hear your kids been kidnapped you don’t take the time out to think, hmm maybe it was a kid that looked just like mine—you come out blazing. If every parent were that protective of their children, there wouldn’t be a missing child unit, just a bunch of scandals. A “Fake Ass Scandal Unit” for parents who approached someone else about their child because their kid went missing and had on the same outfit.

I was just so hot, and anger is the original hype man. We’ve all had these days where anger is whooping common sense’s ass. Most bad decisions are made out of anger. Anger fuels every major argument, war and “scandal”.

Common sense has been on the losing end for years. I was mad at them for making this into something it clearly was not, but even angrier with myself because normally I am a very logical and calm person. “I feed ducks in my leisure time, I’m a nice guy”. Yet for whatever reason not this night. I can still hear the argument between the two in my mind. It sounded like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Now, I know a lot of you are saying it’s just a joke, but its more than that. “It’s a good ass joke and people were seeking it, just like the ring”.  Let me warn you, ALL of my impressions sound African (it’s a long story). I think it’s because the place this anger came from was so primal that it connects me to my roots. Since I can’t read this to you, I need you to read this in your best African accent- don’t let me down.

In tonight’s performance, Anger will be played by Jason Weems’ Inner African and Common Sense by Jason Weems’ Normal Calm Demeanor. We Hope You Enjoy…

Anger: That tricksy little comedian stole my joke; I can’t believe she stole your magic joke

Common Sense: No, no-She didn’t steal it

Anger: The precious, she stole, she stole it- What Da’ F*ck Is Dis’

Common Sense: Even if she did, it’s not worth saying anything

Anger: We were the one to say, “You beat AIDS”

Common Sense: a lot of people knew Magic beat AIDS Jason

Anger: stay out of this Common Sense

Common Sense: Don’t hit send on that message

Anger: I already did

Common Sense: You know she’s a white girl right?

Anger: What’s that got to do with anything?

Common Sense: Have we learned nothing Kanye?

Anger: OH SH*T….

So what have I learned from my mistake?

I’ve always known this, but I got a refresher course in practicing patience and looking before I leap. I’ve also learned that some people are alive just waiting for you to mess up; so don’t expose yourself. You’d like to think people are inherently good, and yet your often disappointed. “If you and your girl break up, there’s a dude waiting ready to grab it off the glass”. ” If you take your car in for an oil change and mention a squeaking noise, now you suddenly need a transmission”. It’s very sad to say, but this world is largely composed of individuals who are simply waiting to capitalize on others mistakes. Even the store Marshall’s does it; you’ve seen the commercials. Gucci makes too many designer shoes that can’t be moved, then they buy them all and sell them for $4.99. What kind of ignorant sh*t is that? “GUCCI“…

In closing, there are a lot of mean-spirited people out here who want to hurt you to simply see you bleed. “I’m bigger than that, I’m better than that and I’ve got too many great things ahead of me to look back”. People can write whatever they choose to, it’s America. You can read and believe whatever you want to, it’s America. “It’s totally up to you to form your own opinion”. Always remember though, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one”. Everything on the Internet isn’t gospel- Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.